Jennifer Chu, Chung Tai Zen Center of Houston
According to the sutra, our habitual behaviors are so ingrained within us, much like how our skin is attached to flesh. We are so used to their coexistence that we cannot easily separate them without causing extreme pain. To meditate, reflect, and follow the Buddha’s teaching are paths to becoming aware of our habitual wrongdoings. We should aim to mindfully correct our erroneous behaviors gradually and eventually eradicate them.
In the past, during a routine check-up at my dentist, she pointed out from an X-ray image that I have a habit of grinding my teeth, which caused my jaw bones to have some serious worn and tear. She suggested that I see a specialist and wear a night guard in my mouth to prevent further damage.
It is akin to a Zen master directly pointing out our ingrained habitual behavior, often unnoticed by ourselves. My initial reaction is to deny the existence of my problems; but the X-ray showed clear evidence of my teeth grinding. However, as a practitioner, I decided to observe my grinding behavior before seeing a specialist.
Every time I noticed myself grinding my teeth is like catching myself entertaining my wondering thoughts. I would immediately stop and be mindful. After observing my behavior for a couple of days, I started to notice that it actually happened during the day and not just in the night when I sleep. Wearing a guard all day would be impossible.
By paying attention every time my jaw tightened, I realized that I would grind my teeth whenever I felt anxious. It happened so fast and naturally that I had a hard time stopping myself. I had to mindfully remind myself to relax and let the tip of my tongue touch my upper palate, just like when I meditate. After many tries, my grinding behavior started to lose its power because I no longer chose the same route to react. After a period of time practicing mindful relaxation, anytime I felt nervous, I was able to relax my jaw even when I slept. Just like when I stop entertaining wandering thoughts, they begin to lose their power and die down.
The teeth grinding is the result of my nervousness. It is no wonder that people around me notice the tightness of my facial expressions right away when I have anxiety. To truly face my negative feelings is the ultimate way to stop the grinding. At that time, I've realized that the Buddhas have such a calm and compassionate expression on their faces because they don’t harbor any anger, ignorance, or greed. Their warm smile is a reflection of their pure and tranquil mind. Some people may want to fake it or use medical procedures to create the same smile, but this is impossible to achieve without diligent practice.
There are four noble gestures of inspiring forms of demeanor, like in walking like wind, sitting like a bell, standing like a pine tree, and down like a bow. It is not the outer appearance we should try to emulate; it is the fruition of constant awareness and samadhi. Shifu’s outward demeanor and inward calmness truly inspires me to practice the good virtues from the Buddha’s teachings and truly transform myself from within.