文／美国佛心寺英文研经禅修班学员　传得

　　自从二○一五年一月来到佛心寺学习禅修后，发现禅修与佛法是相辅相成的。练习禅修的同时，也体现了佛法，我将与大家分享禅修如何改变了我的人生。

　　几年前，继父罹患了极严重的心脏病，伴随着其他的健康问题，让他的心脏搭桥手术变得更为复杂。当时继父一家急需帮忙，我便义不容辞地去了。医院远在车程大约一小时四十五分钟的地方，住院期间，即便是冬天恶劣的天候，使往返路程得花更长的时间，我们每天仍然都会去医院探望和照顾他。出院后，我们将继父接回家，并协助母亲一起照顾他。就在这段期间，母亲得了很严重的肺炎。

　　而小叔在十八个月前被诊断为肾癌。我陪着小叔和他的妻子找了医生进行评估，医生建议接受安宁疗护，他自己也决定放弃所有治疗。我们根据各自的状况安排了一个轮值表，确保在任何时候都有人陪伴他。然而这种情形没有持续多久，他们一家人应付不了这个艰钜的任务，于是我便搬去小叔家住。

落实佛法　跨越逆境

　　面临上述两种境界，我选择了直下承担，从未考虑过自己必须放弃或即将错失些什么。经历了那么多苦难和折磨，亲人们饱尝老、病、死、爱别离、怨憎会及求不得苦，甚而身心失调。过往一切历历在目，因此开始反思，当时的我，是如何能够安然度过那段时光。

　　第一，奉行中台四箴行。对下以慈：成全了小叔的孩子们全心全力地参与照顾，而我则无怨无悔地让他们无后顾之忧。对上以敬：即使我的母亲刚开始烹煮的食物对健康帮助不大，但我并没有说出负面的话。事后，我告诉她如何健康地饮食，并且一起为大家烹调食物。对人以和：我始终诚心感恩每一位医护人员，对于家人所付出的照顾与关怀，并在有人对他们不满时，尽力维护他们。对事以真：无论多么艰难、无论要花多少时间，只要是需要做的事情，自己都会尽最大的努力去完成。

　　第二，修习六波罗蜜法门。布施：为了照顾生病的家人倾尽时间，不但放下了工作，也要付出额外交通费用。持戒：在家人最脆弱时给与他们慈悲和尊重。忍辱：每当病人或家人对我发怒时，学会先不与之相应。精进：遇到苦难和烦恼时绝不退缩，直到所有要做的事情都圆满。禅定：坚持静坐禅修。般若：认真研读经典，反覆思惟师父在禅修班所教授的佛法。

　　第三，归向依靠三宝。练习将奔流的思绪，从忙乱中歇止、抽离，并观照当下的心念。逆境现前时，不断反覆思惟佛法，从中寻求指引。也常常回忆起师父们的言行，并练习与他人分享学佛的点点滴滴。

　　在这些经历中，我体会到生活与修行是密不可分的。当精进于禅修，并在日用中保持一颗平静的心，修了以后不执着，就是落实真正的修行——修而无修。

　（I came to Buddha Mind Monastery to learn meditation in January of 2015. It turns out that meditation and Buddhism go hand in hand. When you practice one you are practicing the other and vice versa. I will share a few of my experiences with you and how Meditation made a difference in my life.

　A few years ago my step father suffered a massive heart attack. He had a lot of other health issues which complicated the needed bypass. They needed help, so I went there. The hospital was an hour and forty five minutes away and we drove there every day during his stay. This was in the winter, which made the trips even longer. After releasing from the hospital we took him home and I helped mom with his care. During this time my mom got very sick, with the onset of pneumonia.

　My brother-in-law was diagnosed with kidney cancer eighteen months ago. I joined him and his wife to go to a major cancer center for his evaluation. The doctor’s recommendation was hospice. My brother-in-law decided he was done with treatments. We set up a schedule for someone to be with him at all the times. That did not last very long, they could not handle him. At that point I moved in with them.

　In both of these situations I jumped right in. Never once thinking about what I would give up or miss during this time. There was a lot of suffering going on in these situations. The families were experiencing aging, illness, death, being separated from those they love, being around those they did not like, not getting what they wanted and mind body imbalance. I reflected on these experiences and how I handled them.

　I used the Four Tents. To our juniors be kind: The children of my brother-in-law were involved with his care. I would let them do what they thought was needed then I took care of the rest. To our elders be respectful: even though my mother was cooking them unhealthy meals I never said a negative word about it. Latter I talk to her about healthy eating and we worked together to plan meals. With all humanity be harmonious: with all of the medical people in these events I thanked them for all they were doing and always defended them when someone was upset with them. In all endeavors be true: I tried my best to do all that I thought needed to be done no matter how long it took or how hard it was to do.

　I practiced the six paramitas. Charity: by giving of my time, the costs incurred while I was away from work and traveling expenses. Morality: I was very respectful of these family members in their vulnerable times. Tolerance: there was a lot of anger and displaced feelings thrown at me which I did not react to. Diligence: I keep at it until the job was done and some things were difficulty and unpleasant. Meditation: I practiced a lot. Prajna Wisdom: I read sutras and reviewed classroom work.

　The Three Refuges: I would take time to think about the present mind to get away from all the busyness going on around me. When challenged during these times I would reflect on the Dharma for guidance. I thought of the Abbess and shifus and what they had shared with me and how I could share it with others.

　What I came to understand from these experiences was that all of these practices work together. When you meditate and keep a quiet mind in your daily life you practice and don’t realize you are practicing. So you are practicing, yet you are not practicing.）