“总是先考虑自己”、“先想到自己”这些自私的想法，在大部分的家庭、办公室及我们所处的世界中，已经成为普遍性的思考模式。每个人总是先想到自己及自己的需求，难怪人生有这么多痛苦。

　　我也是如此，每天活在我执当中，导致人与人的互动，总是出现误会与争执，尤其是与父母、妹妹的相处。举例来说，他们对我煮完饭或用完餐后，没有立刻把碗盘洗干净会很生气，但这也让我很不高兴，总觉得父母偏袒妹妹。因此，当找到远方的工作就立刻搬出去住，这样自私的举动，一开始如同天堂般的快乐，没想到几个月后却变成地狱，因为我住的地方永远乱成一团，而且非常思念家人，当初所找的工作，虽然是搬出去住的藉口，却让生活失去目标。

　　就在此时，朋友邀请我到海天禅寺上禅修班。静坐时思惟住持法师的开示，帮助我提起正念，以正向思考面对同事与客户。几个月后，我搬回去和家人住在一起，没想到以前的争执和误解又出现了，于是我持续静坐思惟师父的开示，并且思考着与家人的相处模式，如果还是处于过去的痛苦中，我肯定做错了什么。

　　每天静坐、时时提起正念，让我的心很平静，也察觉到自己的念头和感受，对于家人不再习惯性地负面思考。出乎意料之外的是，我的家人也是如此，经常保持正向思考。

　　上高级班时，住持法师花了很多时间教导我们菩萨行（利他就是自利），透过很多发人深省的公案，提醒我们落实修行的重点，鼓励大众慈悲对待长者和他人，并把他人的事优先摆在第一位。突然间，我心中的灯被点亮了，这正是我心中寻觅许久的答案。

　　我不再自私地只考虑自己的需求和快乐，而不顾家人和别人的感受，现在的我，尽量把他人的需求优先列入考量，却也发现时时刻刻都要保持利益他人的心，并不容易。不过，这是唯一的解决方案，让每个人体会到宁静、快乐、智慧与慈悲，再加上善念及善行，如此一来，每个人都是第一顺位，人人都是赢家！

　　(“Always look out for Number One” and “Take care of you first,” are all expressions of the predominant way of thinking in many families, workplaces and the world we live in. No wonder we experience so much suffering, with many of us always taking care of our own needs or self (ego) first!

　　In my case, living by ego had become such a deep-seated habit that I kept having misunderstandings and getting into arguments with the people I lived and interacted with on a daily basis, specifically my Ma, Dad and younger sister (e.g. they would get angry with me for not washing the plates and utensils I used right after cooking or eating and I would resent my mother and father for seemingly favoring my younger sister over me). So I moved out of the family home to live and work far away from them. This selfish move was heaven for the first few months before it became hell. My living space was almost always a mess. I missed my family a lot. I also felt a lack of a sense of purpose since the job I took on as an excuse to live apart from them was making me unhappy.

　　This was the time I started attending Beginner's Meditation Class at Ocean Sky Chan Monastery after a friend’s invitation. Meditating and reflecting on Abbess’ Dharma talks helped me keep a positive attitude towards my co-workers and clients. But after a few months, I moved back in with my family and all the same arguments and misunderstandings we had before I moved away reappeared! I continued meditating and reflecting on Shifu’s Dharma talks though, thinking I must be doing something wrong if I was still experiencing the same old suffering I always had with my family.

　　True enough, meditating every day and being mindful of all my actions helped calm me and made me more aware of my thoughts and feelings, so that I’d stopped responding negatively to my family out of habit. Now, to my surprise, my family almost always does the same!

　　Then in Advanced Meditation Class, Abbess spent a lot of time teaching the Bodhisattva Way (“To benefit others is to benefit oneself”) with insightful stories and practical reminders that encouraged us to love and give priority to our elders and other people. A light in my mind turned on, and I knew in my heart it was the answer I was looking for.

　　Instead of putting my own needs and comfort first before those of my family and other people, I am putting their needs ahead of mine as often as I can. Now, I am finding that living moment by moment with the intention of benefiting others first isn’t always easy, but it is the only way that everyone can experience peace, joy, wisdom, loving-kindness plus good intentions and deeds like all of us are Number One, first priority and winners.)