| 中 台 山 月 刊 119 期 |
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| 本期主题：当逆境来敲门 |
| 失望中看见希望
文╱美国佛门寺研经班学员 Liz Whiteford Before studying Buddhism, I spent a lifetime reacting out of fear and anxiety. My only hope was that adverse circumstances would change as quickly as possible so that the anxiety in the pit of my stomach would disappear (until the next time). I believed that the safest way to live was to take the least amount of chance and prepare for every eventuality. I was full of envy as I looked at other people who seemed to sail through life without any conflict or regret while every challenge became an obstacle for me. There are several principles of Buddhism that have begun to change my attitude about adversity: causality, Middle Way reality, tolerance, and impermanence. To accept that present circumstances (effect) are a result of previous actions (cause) answers the previously unanswerable question of ”why do bad things happen to good people？”Now, I no longer ask ”why me？”From that point on, I have learned to go forward with the elements of the Eightfold Path so that I can develop good karma for the future. In other words, I no longer waste time wondering why adversity comes to me, but, instead, I focus on how I can create good cause now for a good future effect. In the middle of an adverse situation, I try to practice Middle Way reality by neither ignoring the situation nor becoming totally engaged in it. I do the best I can to deal with circumstances without becoming dragged down into anxiety and despair. I'm not always successful but, now, I can observe when my mind wants to take me down the old, familiar path and I attempt to react in a different mindful way. I'm finally beginning to understand that through the practice of sitting meditation, which trains us to bring our minds to a calm, focused place, I can move my mind away from useless thoughts of anxiety and confusion toward a more serene state. And, instead of wishing for adversity to go away as quickly as possible, I try to tolerate and show patience toward it. I no longer see adversity as an enemy but as an opportunity to practice tolerance. Impermanence has taught me that all things in life will change-sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. In the middle of a crisis, this helps me to accept and to know that it will eventually change or end whether by my actions or the actions of an outside force. This has given me hope when, at times in the past, I had none. Several years ago, my family moved to San Francisco from the East Coast where we had lived for many years. We intellectually understood that this undertaking would be difficult but we were not prepared for the emotional suffering we would face. Our jobs were not satisfactory, we had few friends, we missed the family we left behind and we regretted having moved so far away. Coincidentally, I found Buddha Gate Monastery only three miles from our house and, having wanted to explore Buddhism for a long time, I began to take classes and attend ceremonies. It wasn't long before I realized that Buddhism offers an entirely different way of approaching life and managing adversity. In a short while, I could begin to see how the principles mentioned above could be used to improve my situation. I am coming to terms with our move without regret, trying to be more tolerant of our situation as I know it will change, and being hopeful about the future. （学佛前，我对逆境的反应大多是害怕与不安，我唯一希望的是，外在的逆境赶快改变，这样，我腹中的不安就会消失──直到下一次逆境出现前。我相信，最安全的生活方式，就是降低意外发生的机率，并准备好面对所有可能发生的事。当我看到其他人在人生的旅程中似乎没什么冲突与悔恨，而每个挑战对我却变成障碍的时候，真是令我充满羡慕。然而，学佛之后，佛法的真理──因果、中道实相、忍辱及无常，已开始改变我对逆境的态度。 因果的道理解答了我过去的疑问：“为什么坏事会发生在好人身上？”现在，我不再问：“为什么是我？”我学习用八正道持续前进，为未来创造善果。换言之，我不再浪费时间执着于探讨“为什么逆境发生在我身上？”而是专注于如何在因地创造善因，使将来得到善果。 在逆境中，我试着练习中道，既不是忽视它，也不是完全被它占据。面对事件时，我尽量不让自己被不安和失望分心。这个方法并不是每次都奏效，但现在我观察到，当心念又要把自己拉回过去熟悉的模式时，我就会试图用其他方式回应。我终于开始了解，静坐能训练静心专注，让自己的心从混乱不安等毫无用处的想法当中，转为较平静的状态。我也不再期待逆境赶快过去，而是练习忍耐。我不再把逆境当作敌人，而是将它视为一个修习忍辱的机会。 “无常”教导我：人生的所有事情都会改变，有时变好，有时变坏。这个道理给予我希望，因为过去的我不是这么想的。在危机当中，“无常”的道理让我接受与了解：不管是由于我的努力或外力使然，一切的逆境终究会改变或是结束的。 数年前，我从住了很久的东岸搬到旧金山。我们早就预估要承担许多困难，但我们却没有准备面对心理上的烦恼。我们的工作并不如意，朋友也很少，我们想念过去的家，后悔搬到这么远的地方。当时，因缘际会之下，我认识了离家三哩路的佛门寺。由于早想一探佛法究竟，我开始上课、参加法会。没多久，我了解到，佛法提供了一个完全不同的人生观及处理逆境的方法。经过短短的时间，我开始看到自己运用上述的道理来改善目前的处境。我现在安于搬家这件事实，不懊悔、多忍耐，我知道它会改变的。对于未来，我充满希望！） |