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二○一二年一月同修过世，留给我和六个小孩的只有悲伤和痛苦，一切就像世界末日，用「黑暗」来形容生命最谷底的时刻，再适合也不过了。在我终日以泪洗面之际，阿姨对我说 :「无论你哭得多伤心，你的同修也回不来。」如同一大桶冷水浇在身上，我突然醒了。
二○一四年，有陌生人邀我去海天禅寺上初级禅修班，佛法的智慧让人惊讶，自己也深受启发。从那天起，每次上课都很高兴，每一堂课都不想错过，在菲律宾能找到这么棒的禅寺实在太难得了。禅寺有太多可以学习的，我总是把握因缘增长更多智慧，如同大梦初醒般，这一生从来没有这么有活力、这么快乐、这么清明。
海天禅寺教我凡事都用正念去思惟、面对，慢慢静下心来，对事情的看法和体会也随之提升，开始懂得关心别人的需要，以慈悲心对待众生，并且感到有责任去帮助别人。事实上，发心付出并不辛苦也不勉强，反而让我很满足、很快乐，只要禅寺有需要，我一定全力以赴。在办公室或家里，我会分享法师的开示，也会邀请同事与朋友上禅修班。
当您为别人点一盏灯，自己也被照亮了。从发心中，自己不只是布施者，也是受益者，因为布施的时候，自己也蒙获其益，利他就是自利，从禅寺学到这个道理，改变了我。在为他人付出时，我看到自己不再疲倦、抱怨、懈怠，反而面带微笑，此后，常常觉得有种难以形容的法喜洋溢心中。
虽然我不期待任何回报，也不计较布施多少，但我相信所得到的回报，远远超过所付出的千百倍。我非常幸运、非常有福报，拥有家人及亲友满满的关爱，也很满意所拥有的一切，我应该继续为利益众生而行菩萨道，不论何时何地，只要做得到，我都会尽力去做。
在生命的最谷底，被黑暗笼罩时，很感恩为我点灯的那位陌生人，也非常感恩法师们成为照亮及鼓舞我的那盏明灯，海天禅寺是我的明灯，照亮我的生命。现在是我照亮他人的时候了，感恩让我有机会利益他人，有此因缘成为一盏明灯！
Darkness. It is perhaps the word that best describes when I was at the lowest period of my life. I can clearly remember it. January of the year 2012, my husband passed away, leaving me and my 6 children in sorrow and distress. It is like the end of the world for me. I was crying non-stop when my aunt approached me and said, “No matter how hard you cry, your husband will not come back.” It felt like a gallon of cold water was poured over me. I came back to my senses.
In 2014, a stranger invited me to join the beginner’s meditation class in Ocean Sky Chan Monastery. I was amazed and inspired by the wisdom of Buddha's teachings. From that day on, I grew fond in attending classes so I did not want to miss any. It is really rare to find such a wonderful monastery in the Philippines. There is so much more to learn and I am always trying to catch the time to gain more wisdom. It was like I was awakened. I have never felt so alive and happy. I never felt this enlightened.
The monastery taught me to be more mindful of my thoughts and actions. I had this gradual change of attitude wherein I became calmer, I improved my sense of reasoning and how I perceive and understand things. I became more concerned with other people’s needs. I have developed this sense of compassion toward all that has life and this sense of responsibility towards the needy. Indeed, serving is an effortless pursuit that gives me great fulfillment and happiness. I dedicate myself to always be of service to whatever the monastery may need as much as I can. In the office and at home, I share the Dharma teachings I learned from the Dharma talks of Shifus. I also invite people from the office and my friends to join the classes in the Ocean Sky.
When you light a lamp for others, you also get illuminated. I learned that by giving, you not only become the benefactor, you are also a beneficiary. It is by giving that you also receive. To benefit others is to benefit oneself. This belief and practice in the monastery transformed me. I can see myself tirelessly, uncomplaining and unceasingly serving with a smile on my face. Every now and then, I feel this indescribable and unexplainable joy overflowing in my heart.
Though I am not expecting anything in return and I am not counting what I have given, I believe I am rewarded a thousand fold more than anything I have ever shared. I feel so lucky and blessed by the love of family, relatives and friends around me. I am also contented with what I am, what I have, and where I am now. I should continue to live in service to my fellowmen in the bodhisattva way, giving what I am and what I have whenever and wherever I can.
From the lowest point of my life when darkness filled me, I am so grateful to a complete stranger who lit a lamp for me. I also thank the Shifus for being the lamp that illuminates and inspires me. Ocean Sky is my lamp and light. Now that I am illuminated, it is my turn to illuminate others as well. Thank you for giving me the chance to help and serve. Thank you for the opportunity to be a light.
摘自《中台山月刊209期》
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