Most of us are familiar with the story of Krisha Gotami, the woman who upon the death of her young child went to Buddha and asked for his help. He instructed her to go to each house in the village until she found a family that had not experienced death and to ask of that family a mustard seed. She was then to bring the mustard seed back to Buddha.

　　She went from house to house but was unable to find any household that had not been touched by death. As she continued to search for a family untouched by death it gradually occurred to her that death was universal. There was not a family that had not experienced death. Everyone dies and realization was her first glimpse of the nature of impermanence and the futility of grasping.

　　Losing a loved-one through death can be a dark and difficult time, and for some perhaps the most difficult time we are to face during our lifetime. Often, the threatened loss of someone dear can provoke more fear than a perceived loss of our own self, especially when it involves the loss of a child. But as in the case of Krisha Gotami, children do die. As do parents. As do spouses. As do siblings.

　　However, the most precious Dharma has provided a path to gradually develop the perspective and insight not only to endure, but to learn from our losses, and to find and maintain the inner peace and happiness that comes from the wisdom and compassion of the Buddha.

　　One of the first teachings that we are taught is that of impermanence. This teaching is very clear and we are taught to look for ourselves at this impermanence and how it affects everyone universally. By the recognition of impermanence we obtain the true picture that shows us that everyone suffers at the hands of death and once we accept this, the natural progression becomes one of learning how to let go. Recognition of this need to let go brings us to a different perspective.

　　We learn to see how futile it is to grasp and the more that we can embrace the idea of impermanence, the easier it is to let go in times of personal loss. When this realization becomes anchored firmly in place, we then through our practice and training, learn to turn our loss outwardly into compassion - compassion for others who have also experienced the sadness of death, and compassion for those who have not yet realized the truth of impermanence and nonattachment.

　　Buddha has given us the teachings that allow us to turn the darkness of grasping and attachment into the light of compassion. When we experience a loss, through our training and practice we are able to experience the loss, but at the same time, experience it through the perspective of one who understands impermanence and is able to still see the sky through the clouds.

　　（相信我们多数都听过瞿昙弥的故事。当这位母亲的孩子不幸早夭时，她一路奔往精舍向佛陀去求救。佛陀告诉她，如果她能到村子里，从一个从未死过人的家庭中，要到一粒芥菜籽，带着这个芥菜籽来找佛陀，佛陀就能解救她的孩子。

　　于是她挨家挨户地询问，始终找不到一户死神从来没有降临过的人家。在不断的寻找中，慢慢地，她明白了，死亡是必然的。世界上，没有任何一家人没有经历过死亡。每一个人都会死，这让她开始了解到什么是无常，同时她也明白了执着是徒劳无功的。

　　面对至亲的死亡、失去所爱，可能是一段灰暗困苦的日子。甚至对某些人来说，这是他们一生中最为艰苦的时光。通常，害怕失去亲人的感觉远比失去自己的生命更令人恐惧，特别是当一个人失去了自己的孩子。但是，就如同在瞿昙弥的公案所见，小孩会往生，正如我们的父母、 配偶、兄弟姐妹也会往生一样。

　　然而，佛法最珍贵之处，就是教我们如何洞悉一切，从而悟入正知正见。这不只是去忍受失去亲人的痛苦，更要从失去至亲中学习，以达到由佛陀的智慧和慈悲所带来的清净与法喜。

　　无常是我们最初学到的佛法教义之一。当我们学会用无常的眼光去看待自己，学会认清无常是公平地降临到每个人身上，而能坦然接受它时，就能清楚地看到，事实上，我们每个人都在死亡的手上挣扎。一旦能如实地接受它，我们自然就了解如何真正地放下。当我们认识到必须放下时，就学会了用一种全新的角度来看待人生。

　　当我们愈能如实地认知无常，了解执着是无益时，在失去至亲的当下，就愈容易放下。当无常的观念在心中扎根时，借由修行的薰习，我们便能将失去外在亲人的痛苦转化为内在的慈悲。这种转化是对那些经历同样死亡伤恸者的大慈，是对那些不懂无常和放下的人的大悲。

　　佛陀的教法，让我们将执着的黑暗转化成慈悲的光明。当我们失去至亲所爱，我们要学会在感受有所失去的同时，能以无常观，如实地去看待一切。穿透乌云，蓝天依然可见。）